I know some of my friends are going to blast me for posting this. I just felt that we can all do with some laugh :).
Wenger: Yes. This is Arsene Wenger.
Guardiola: Oh, hello, Arsene. How are-
Wenger: Do not speak while I am speaking!
Guardiola: …I’m sorry.
Wenger: Yes. Now. Did you receive our letter?
Guardiola: Uh, you mean the one that said “Cesc is ours” in what I’m hoping is ketchup and then had what looked like a drawing of me getting impaled by all six of Barcelona’s trophies?
Wenger: Yes, that would be the one.
Guardiola: Yeah, I got that.
Wenger: So will you stop your pursuit of my captain?
Guardiola: We’re not pursuing him. If he wants to play for us, we’d love to have him. But that’s where it ends.
Wenger: Cesc is ours! Stop being so perfect with your Don Johnson beard and non-puffy coats!
Guardiola: Excuse me?
Wenger: No! No excuse you! You have enough great players — I have Cesc, Arshavin, and then 20 children who are so young they don’t even remember the movie Kindergarten Cop! How can they not know Kindergarten Cop?!
Guardiola: Uh, I don’t know, Arsene.
Wenger: You have no idea how bad it is. You win trophies like…I don’t know — you just win a lot of trophies! The last time I won a trophy it was from The Children’s Foundation because I have so many kids they thought I was running a freaking daycare center. And I’m not running a daycare center! Theo Walcott can cut his own food!
Guardiola: Well, I’m sorry, Arsene. But it’s really up to Cesc. If he wants to leave, he wants to leave.
Wenger: I know, but I have a plan for that.
Guardiola: What plan?
Wenger: Finger paintings. The rest of the lads are making him so many finger paintings that he couldn’t possibly leave them. Have you ever been presented with a finger painting by a child? It melts your heart like a monkey brain on a radiator.
Guardiola: That was a weird analogy, but OK. Anyway, I should be going. Thanks for the call, Arsene.
Wenger: Goodbye, Peppy. And remember — you plus Cesc equals a one way ticket to Ouchtown. And I’m the captain of the Ear Punch Express. OK?
[Guardiola hung up 10 minutes ago]
It is not an original post, I picked it up from this yahoo page.